Entry 3Posted on 2006.02.13 at 21:38
Current Mood: anxious
I would truly like to know when I descended into lunacy. While I'm familiar with the fact that I live amidst it, I flatter myself that until this week I did a damned good job of remaining reasonably detached from it.
This seems to be no longer true, a case in point being that not only did I make the possibly irreparable mistake of letting - no, in all honesty, encouraging - one vampire to fuck me until I couldn't even remember my own name, I then got monumentally plastered and invited another one back to my bed the next night. Fortunately unconsciousness seems to have prevented me from yet another error, but not for lack of intent on my part. And while I'd love to think it was simply a hangover that made him uncommunicative this morning, I have a nasty suspicion it was a crashing case of 'what the hell have I done?'.
Blast all neurotic soul-ridden vampires. I have quite enough quirks of my own, without having to consider my every word with caution in case I cause tailspins in others.
I'm beginning to wonder if any common sense I had left me along with my life blood. That would certainly explain a great deal.
It would, of course, be even better if I could get this ridiculous set-up to work, but that would simply be asking too much.
The damnable thing - the utterly bloody damnable joke - is that this is what I want. At one level. Not this screwed up facsimile of friendships and bed partners, obviously, but what it has the potential to be - yes, I want that. I'm not suited to feeling affection for one person at a time - I learnt that much about myself in Oxford. I'm not entirely sure that I ever could be.
What I really want to do is talk to Daniel. Except the stupid sod's vanished again - really, would it be too much to ask of him to leave a contact number? What I'm going to do, little though I relish the prospect, is try and talk to Angel. Again.
Because that always goes well.
The week just gets better and better.